I'm listening to the Jeremy Vine programme on the wireless as I type. There's a story about some bloke who had a psycho hamster that was biting eveyone, so he let it go into the local park. As he's a journalist, he wrote about it. The RSPCA then contacted him, threatening prosecution.

It's a hamster, ffs. I thought my missus was crackers a few yeads ago when she paid £20 to the vet to stitch our hamster's face back on after it had argued with one of our cats. I'd have finished it off and bought the kids a new one for a fiver.

The most scary thing about the story is the morons and hard-of-thinking who are phoning in to slag him off. You can almost see the stupidity oozing from the speakers, Next time, mate, one small whack and no problem. Pathetic.