Ref. 26741-16NEW Year's Day 2004 would have been a fresh start in more ways than one for Janette Orr.

Until this week she believed she was on the last leg of a difficult four-year journey since she survived the Paddington rail crash, which killed 31 people.

Now, with the news that insurer St Paul International has passed on the remaining 78 compensation claims to another company, Janette, 40, feels she is back to square one.

"I almost feel like I'm being persecuted and I don't understand why," she said. "The thought of having to start again is a nightmare."

Her case was due to be heard on December 1 this year, but now she has been informed that lawyers for the rail companies and insurers have obtained an adjournment until the first available date after March 31, 2004.

According to the legal correspondence she has received, the earliest date is in December 2004 a whole year after she thought her case was going to be settled.

"I think they want people to just walk away."

But she doesn't intend to. She admits she is obsessed by the case and it isn't about the money.

"I didn't ask to be involved in this," she said. "I was sitting on a train going to work.

"This is about justice. It is about my human right to make them pay for what they have done.

"I am a survivor and I will survive because I have no choice. I have thought many times about whether the litigation is worth it and so many times I have decided to give it up, but my family spurs me on."

In the four years since the crash, Janette, who is media officer for the Paddington Survivors' Group, has been to 135 doctor's appointments and had 12 medical and psychiatric reports done.

It means that even if she was able to put the appalling memories of the crash behind her, she isn't allowed to.

Every time she has to recount what has happened to her she is reminded of the day she almost died.

The strain of coping with that experience has taken a heavy toll, both on her and her family.

She suffered injuries to her neck, back and a foot in the crash and has since been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

It first reared its head when, six weeks after the disaster, she went back to work at Railtrack where she was a high flyer in procurement.

Less than six months later she went to see her GP with what she thought were symptoms of the menopause.

She had lost all her old confidence and kept bursting into tears.

He diagnosed PTSD but Janette took some convincing. "I thought it was mumbo jumbo."

It wasn't until she had to have her passport picture renewed that she realised how badly she had been affected.

When she looked at it she saw how the sleepless nights, tension and stress had made her almost unrecognisable.

It is a condition which affects not just her, but her husband Steve and her children Felicity, 18, and Tristan, 14.

"In the past I was always the one who led the family, but now I can't cope with ordinary obstacles. I have to leave it all to Steve."

Her relationship with him has suffered and she says she is lucky still to have him by her side and supporting her. "He worries about me all the time.

"Felicity and I are often at loggerheads and I snap at Steve. I know I'm out of order but I can't help it.

"The biggest thing in my life is nearly being killed and I can't explain it to Felicity in a way she can really understand.

"I feel guilty for being involved in this and for putting my family through all this hassle."

Janette's naturally optimistic and positive nature has also been dented badly by the nightmares she still has to endure.

"I stay up very late watching television because I'm scared to close my eyes," she said.

"I scream and shout and wander about in my sleep. I dream about standing on the station platform screaming at people to help me and they are just walking along ignoring me."

Ordinary events can trigger painful memories. Stories of crashes or disasters on the television news take her right back to that awful morning.

When her daughter had a minor crash Janette rushed to the scene to help her and was immediately affected by memories of the sights, sounds and smells of the Paddington rail crash.

Janette accepts that the memories will be with her for the rest of her life but is now desperate to see the litigation end so she and her family can move on.

"I know it will all end one day. In the mean time I've got to carry on," she said.

31 killed

The Paddington rail disaster on the morning of October 5, 1999, killed 31 people.

Among the dead were Swindon computer programmer David Roberts, 35, and Bryan Thompson, 61, of Ampney Crucis, near Cirencester.

The inquiry into the crash, headed by Lord Cullen, made a number of recommendations including:

A review of standards of crashworthiness of trains.

Increased protection for carriages against fire.

Feasibility research into removable windows and escape hatches in carriages.

Direct radio contact between trains and signallers.

The report also condemned Thames Trains' driver training, describing the safety culture as "slack and less than adequate."