I'm off to Spain for half-term to stay with friends who emigrated from London a couple of years ago.

I can't personally imagine why anyone would want to leave Britain for good.

Well, apart from the weather, traffic on the M25, council tax, Simon Cowell, parking wardens, daytime television, speed cameras, people who dawdle in supermarkets, people who don't park in the middle of their space in car parks, pushy charity collectors who try to sign you up for direct debits when you are just trying to pop out for a sandwich, Dancing on Ice, Glenn Roeder, sofa shop adverts, Baby on Board signs, milk cartons, loan offer letters from banks and credit card companies, charities who stick plastic bags for old clothes through your letterbox every two weeks, mobile phone salesmen, smokers, Jeffrey Archer, dance music, people who ring football phone-ins with nothing to say (ie most of them), Dora the Explorer, people who don't reply to texts, Chelsea, people who use mobility scooters purely because they are overweight, caravans, broad beans, post office queues and the food in Costa Coffee.

Hmmm, then again...