AS I grow older, I realise that a lot of things are not as black and white as I might have hoped. Being a black and white person (or so I thought) it is something that I personally find extremely hard to accept.

A lot of the people around me have been going through some difficult times recently and myself included and it baffles me how, when you think you’re the only one feeling a certain way or going through a certain time in your life, that most other people are also going through the exact same thing.

I have been in a constant state of emotion for the past few months and more up and down than a yo yo. I recently have come out of a long-term relationship that had been long-distance for some time. It seemed that it reached a point where it was no longer possible to continue, which is truly heartbreaking, and now it is just a waiting game of what life has to bring.

I went to Amsterdam last week to visit one of my friends and I went without my phone to really appreciate the beauty of the place and have also deactivated my social media to have some time to myself.

I wrote down everything that I had been feeling and listened to lots of podcasts to hear about other people's stories and give a better insight into life itself.

The main piece of writing that I wrote was a very deep, meaningful one and I thought that it would be best to share it with you all as follows and hope that it may resonate with some of you.

Pain washes in and out like the waves on the shore. A constant knot in my stomach that will not untie. So desperate to allow freedom but fearful of the loss that may entail. Why do we live our lives worrying about the minute details of silly insignificant things when in the end acceptance of each individual for who they are is the only true blessing?

Love is all that matters truly, we are all on this earth for that one main goal and yet why is it so hard to obtain?

"We are not always supposed to know, sometimes we can be lost and eventually we will find our true path. We just may need to go through a few thorn bushes to get there.

I never realised how you can only grow if you experience and yet you have to be willing to adapt and change to get the most out of life.

At the moment, my stomach and chest is drowning in an emotional whirlpool of pain and all I crave is someone's touch or kiss or hug. Any human contact really, I just want to run away and push away any feeling I may be having because that's the only way I know how.

It seems to build and build until your body and mind cannot take anymore and so we are left with no option but to open up the wound and allow the blood to seep out. This feeling is like nothing I have ever experienced before, pure heartache. But I don't know the fix or the cure.

I've always been on the straight and narrow, knowing the inner me, but it seems in reflection perhaps I don't.

My first love was a beautiful treasure which I cherish every day. It taught me what I need to change about myself to be a better person and the break-up left me numb, completely. As if I couldn't cry or feel or speak or open up.

I just wanted to run and hide from everything I've ever known. I wished for happiness and did anything in my power to block out any pain. I spent time with me but locked out others and longed for company and affection. Something that my independent self could not accept.

I finally let everything out and am on the road to self-discovery, only then can I truly find my way. Whatever that means for me.

Pathways in life meet and reach a crossroads, two lovers get to this point and either work to continue on their ways or they break to do what it is they need to do without that other person. It is all circumstance and being in the right place at the right time.

Everything will fall into place, you just have to believe that fate holds the way to the doorway of the next chapter.

By Nia Powell