WIPING away tears, grieving husband Arnel Cabrera says he dreads the day he will tell his son how his mum died on a hospital bed.

And he says the unlawful killing of his beloved wife Mayra has left a gaping hole in his life.

"It has been torture for us," said the former Liden resident.

"Friends and family have been very supportive but it has been very hard to deal with.

"This inquest is for my son.

"One day, when the time is right, I will have to tell him how his mum died.

"I know I will have to do this and it will be a difficult moment."

Arnel received a copy of the critical incident report in June 2005 - more than 13 months after Mayra's death.

He says he was led to believe she had died of natural causes.

But after hearing of the drugs blunder that led to his wife's death, moments after giving birth to their child Zac, Arnel said the pain was almost too much to bear.

"I still feel angry, disgusted and disappointed of what happened," said the 38-year-old widower.

"To find out how she really died from the report was like torture all over again.

"It came back at me and it was the worst feeling to think an enormous blunder like this happened.

"To see that it was such an avoidable thing adds to the negative emotion I feel.

"From the inquest I have learnt about what really happened and how the events led up to the tragedy.

"It has been a very troubling time for me."

Arnel was told immediately afterwards that Mayra had died from an amniotic fluid embolism, the inquest had previously heard.

But he claims to have learned later that she had died because Bupivacaine had been administered incorrectly.

He has attended court hearings only a handful of times, as he thought reliving Mayra's last moments would be too painful.

Instead, his solicitor Seamus Edney has communicated accounts of the inquest on a daily basis.

Arnel was at the coroner's court to hear yesterday's verdict.

He said Zac was fit and well, but did not want to take him to the inquest, despite his son's requests.

Swindon and Marlborough NHS Trust have previously admitted liability for the drugs mix-up which claimed Mayra's life.

Arnel's civil compensation claim is still ongoing, but he said no amount of money could ever bring her back.

Arnel now wants to honour his wife's wishes and stay in Swindon despite his imminent deportation.

He faces being sent back to the Philippines on February 28 when his visa expires.

His and his son's residency status depended on Mayra remaining alive and in work.

He is due to re-apply for a visa after the hearing is over.

"I want to honour Mayra's wishes and memory and bring Zac up in this country," he said.

"I think Zac and I deserve it.

"As long as I have my son here I think I can manage.

"I hope and pray they (the Home Office) will renew my application to stay.

"I'm looking for my restoration of rights."

He said Swindon felt like home.

"Swindon is a nice place to live and I would like to stay here," he added.

"It has everything you could want and is a bustling town.

"I also have plenty of friends here.

"I liked living in Liden - it was very quiet."