Don Jones

THERE are some common old tricks that tired and lazy newspaper contributors resort to when they’ve run out of ideas. One is to give a humorous account of the agonies of a blank sheet of paper. Another is to take the recent death of a celebrity and use it for a bit of name dropping,whilst saying how their passing has affected you immeasurably; think Tony Parsons. But by far the most common – especially at the end of December – is a tedious and self-indulgent review of the year.

AL Murray’s comedy creation, the Pub Landlord, starts his shows by insisting that it’s ‘a pint for the gentleman, glass of white wine or fruit-based beverage for the lady. Those are the rules.’ He then asks the audience where we would be if we didn’t have rules, to which they reply (quite rightly) ‘France’; and if we had too many rules? ‘Germany!’ Before some readers get in a lather, accusing me of peddling outmoded nationalistic stereotypes or a pro-Brexit (ooh, my spellchecker doesn’t like that word – I’d better get Nigel Farage on the case) agenda, let me please reassure you that I, like most rational people, see that as just a bit of banter. It follows in the traditions of Dad’s Army and ‘Allo ‘Allo!, and it’s a damn sight better that we have a few chuckles about our perceived quirks rather than all-out war.

WE really are lucky to a have so many excellent pubs in this area. From old-fashioned coaching inns to village locals; big, modern places to little back-street boozers. On any given night in Devizes alone, you have a choice of 20 different Real Ales – some from Devizes, Pewsey, Salisbury, Netheravon, Holt or Ramsbury, others from much further afield.

YOU might have seen the story in this paper about the residents in Rotherstone and Avon Terrace, Devizes, asking for Wiltshire council to take action to stop the roads being used as a rat run.

DEVIZES has suffered a bit of a graffiti epidemic recently. I have seen “Stop social cleansing Disabled Parking Spaces” over an out of date parking suspension notice in the Market Place. The week before there were three examples. On a no stopping sign outside the HSBC we got “Stop spying on The public Big brother Taxis.” A lamp post in the old Tesco car park (yes, I know that’s not the proper name – but that’s what everyone still calls it) saw “Homeless people Are welcome Here. Stop the War on the poor” and a sign in the same car park carried the simple demand “AXE THE BEDROOM TAX”. Please note that I’ve kept the capitalisation as it was to avoid damaging the fundamental integrity of the original posts.

MONEY makes the world go around. But you know what makes it go round more smoothly? People giving their time and energy for free. You only have to flick through the pages of this newspaper to see examples of the work that volunteers do and the effect they have. Wander round our towns and villages and you’ll see yet more evidence.

MANY years ago, I had a Christmas job as a postman. I learnt quite a few things that December; not least many new swear words, courtesy of the permanent postmen who sought to motivate us temps. On the first day, they used many colourful expletives to encourage us to follow the example of an Australian who had got his mail sorted and in the bag in double-quick time.