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THE SAM MORSHEAD COLUMN: White noise on deadline day
6:00am Saturday 31st August 2013 in Sport
ON MONDAY at around 6pm, football fans everywhere will lose all sense of reality.
Local pubs will fall silent, but for the nasal whinges of a delirious Scotsman and the punching-in of the numbers four, zero and five will be heard across the country as domestic televisions are reset for the most bizarre sporting showpiece of them all.
Transfer Deadline Day - a daft concept created by those of us in the media who enjoy taking an administrative juncture and turning it into an all-singing, all-dancing, day-long information bender.
Sky Sports, and Jim White in particular, should take immense credit. Even Liberace would have had difficulty injecting quite as much glitz and glamour into what is essentially turd TV.
In any other walk of life, rolling coverage of a deadline would make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Imagine desperately scribbling a description of osmosis to stick into your GCSE biology coursework with Brian Swanson staring over your shoulder, critiquing your definition of photosynthesis.
Picture a family, late for their flight to Orlando, being pursued through Heathrow by Nick Collins and his moustache, having to ignore a barrage of questions about the weight of their hand luggage - only for the interrogation to be halted by a conveniently-placed broadcasting platform.
Think of the poor, forgetful grandmother trying to pay a parking fine in the minutes before it doubles in price, struggling to hear her own voice over the less-than-dulcet tones of David Craig. “We’re all on tenterhooks here, Jim,” he says, as she confuses her card number with its sort code. “Perhaps it’ll all be sort-ed soon.”
For that’s what Sky Sports’ deadline day coverage is all about - dramatising the mundane. But we all buy into it. Because of Sky’s influence in the game, those of us who don’t would be put to shame and while it’s there we might as well try to enjoy it.
n I DON’T know about the rest of you, but Wednesday’s Capital One Cup third round draw made me a little giddy.
The missus couldn’t understand why I started punching the air and letting out the kind of noises you’d more frequently expect in rooms other than the kitchen.
But that’s what a captivating cup draw means to Swindon Town. It’s the biggest cup game I can remember the club being a part of since the trip to Manchester United in 1995 - and everyone around the County Ground should revel in it.
Jose Mourinho and his Galacticos coming to little old Swindon - you couldn’t have written it better.
Town’s players and coaching staff have had new club suits fitted, and they’ll need them for that occasion.
Mark Cooper joked with the media this week that he’d be the C&A man to Mourinho’s Armani and that the Portuguese would have to make do with Blossom Hill as his after-match tipple on September 24.
It might be cheap, but it’ll certainly be a cheery occasion.
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