Warring parents were urged today to see the "bigger picture" over the harmful impact contact disputes can have on their children.

Leading judges acknowledged that mothers and fathers whose relationships have broken down face "tough" situations.

But Lord Justice McFarlane, sitting at the Court of Appeal in London with two other judges, stressed that a parent "has a responsibility and a duty to do what they can to meet their child's needs in terms of achieving contact with the other parent just as much as they do in any other respect".

Where it was "plainly in the best interests of a child to spend time with the other parent then, tough or not, part of the responsibility of the parent with care must be the duty and responsibility to deliver what the child needs, hard though that may be".

The judge said his observations were made as part of a "wider context in which the family courts seek to encourage parents to see the bigger picture in terms of the harmful impact upon their children of sustained disputes" over contact.

His comments came in a written judgment given with Lord Justice Rix and Lord Justice Tomlinson, relating to a successful appeal brought by a father against a Swindon County Court decision refusing him direct contact with his daughters, aged nine and six, who he last saw in April 2009.

The parents were not married but were involved in a close relationship between 2002 and 2008.

In 2008 the mother left the family home taking the girls with her without giving the father any form of advance warning.

Lord Justice McFarlane said: "Instead, she left a solicitor's letter for the father to find on his return home."

She moved to another town in the same region and solicitors' letters then began to be exchanged over the issue of contact.

In February, the county court dismissed the father's application for direct contact, directing that the mother should facilitate indirect contact in the form of cards, letters and gifts between the father and the children once a month.

Overturning that ruling, Lord Justice McFarlane said: "I do not underestimate what is being asked of M (mother); it will be tough, just as what was required of F (father) will, in similar terms, have been tough.

"I hope that M can at least see that for her to face up to what is required and, if possible, undertake appropriate therapy is now what she needs to do, not for F's sake, but for the sake of her children."

The judge said that the emotional and psychological make-up of the two parents, both separately and in combination, had prevented easy contact taking place.

There was well-known case law which stresses the benefit children will normally gain from maintaining a meaningful relationship with both of their parents following a split in the family.

Lord Justice McFarlane said it was parents, "rather than the court or more generally the state", who are the "primary decision-makers and actors for determining and delivering the upbringing that the welfare of their child requires".

He stressed that "along with the rights, powers and authority of a parent, come duties and responsibilities which must be discharged in a manner which respects similarly held rights, powers, duties and responsibilities of the other parent where parental responsibility is shared".

He added: "In all aspects of life, whilst some duties and responsibilities may be a pleasure to discharge, others may well be unwelcome and a burden.

"Whilst parenting in many respects brings joy, even in families where life is comparatively harmonious, the responsibility of being a parent can be tough.

"Where parents separate, the burden for each and every member of the family group can be, and probably will be, heavy."

The judge said: "Where there are significant difficulties in the way of establishing safe and beneficial contact, the parents share the primary responsibility of addressing those difficulties so that, in time, and maybe with outside help, the child can benefit from being in a full relationship with each parent."

Parents, both those who have primary care and those who seek to spend time with their child, "have a responsibility to do their best to meet their child's needs in relation to the provision of contact".

He added: "It is not, at face value, acceptable for a parent to shirk that responsibility and simply to say 'no' to reasonable strategies designed to improve the situation in this regard".

By highlighting those responsibilities it was to be hoped that parents "may be encouraged more readily to engage with the difficulties that undoubtedly arise when contemplating post-separation contact than may have hitherto been the case".

Lord Justice Rix said: "I would in particular like to underline my agreement with what Lord Justice McFarlane has said about the duties and responsibilities of parents."